Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
