So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
