i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
