Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
And then he peed in my hair
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