she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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