I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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