got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
