is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
