Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
