Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
