If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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