So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
