dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
