My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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