I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
