guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
