Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
