You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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