I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
