Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
