he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
