I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
