So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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