Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
