Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I intend to get homeless drunk
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
