Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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