And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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