I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
