I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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