Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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