I'm so fucking centered right now
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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