Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
