Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
