By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
did you just send me my own nude
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
