Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
