so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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