Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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