there's paper in my vomit.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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