the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
