He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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