I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Bring me that man meat
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
