Plan B is the new Plan A
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
