You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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