Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
