woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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