That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
