I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
