oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
