She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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