Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My penis needs a shock collar
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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