i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
