so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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