Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
